Thursday, December 06, 2007
The Fear of Rejection
Fear of rejection is a state of mind that makes a person feel inadequate, helpless and worthless. It inhibits a person from doing or saying things because of the fear that other people might not accept them or disapprove of their actions and words.
The fear of rejection may have haunted each one of us at one time or another, It may be caused by our fear of being and living alone, too much dependence on other people's perception of us, lack of confidence and inability to control our own life.
A person who is so concerned about what others may think of them could make their life miserable because one can no longer speak their own mind nor do things that they would normally do on their own. The fear of rejection can paralyze a person and discourage them from being productive.
A person's uniqueness disappears the moment one puts primary emphasis on what others want them to be. A person too caught up with pleasing others will start to emulate other people from the way they dress and the way they behave in society. This usually happens to young people who crave attention and acceptance but do not yet have enough foundation for self acceptance. This is detrimental to a person's growth because there is no more room for self expression, only of self denial and the thought of pleasing others.
A person who fears being rejected can be characterized as a person who acts without confidence: A person who is not sure of their self will tend to imitate others and keep from trying new things. Such lack of confidence will ultimately make such person unhappy and bitter.
A person who is not vocal about their perception of things may be having trouble with rejection. One may keep from voicing out their opinion for fear of being criticized. A person who does not have the freedom to speak for their self and to express their wants will soon become depressed and will no longer have love for life. This person will tend to act like a remote control robot that can not make its own decisions.
The reason for this is that one is confused about their own true identity. A person who has fears of being rejected will end up confused about which they really are. This leads to an identity crisis and will makes a person angry at their self and at other people for no reason at all. This will cause lack of self esteem and self worth; a person who gives more importance to what others may think of them does not have much faith in their self to start with. This lack of self esteem may have resulted from feelings of rejection instilled in them by his family or friends.
A person who fears rejection will ultimately be rejected by the people they want to please and who love them dearly. A person who has the tendency to please other people will soon get sucked into a difficult cycle of rejection. Their behavior will keep the people they care about alienated from them, one sees this as a rejection and then the cycle goes on and on.
So how does one suddenly develop their own self identity? It is so simple it is hard. First retreat for a while and be by your self with only your self as company, no friends, family, pets, or other distractions. Seek as much silence as possible and prepare yourself for some work. This may take a few hours or even a whole day. Go to the park, a deserted beach, the library, a reading room at the book store, etc. Find a place where you can be with your self for a while.
Have a small note book with you and a pen, write down all the things you like, your favorite color, favorite food, etc. Now write down what you like to do, jog, hike, play chess, etc. Now write down what you like about your life, your hobby, your home, your neighbor hood, etc. Note; if you do not like something do not write it down.
Now look at what you have written and rewrite them all into one sentence. Write it as many times as you need to make a coherent sentence or paragraph. When you are satisfied with the work reread it and think about it. This is the beginning of you: The tip of the ice berg, the start of self discovery, the front door of your structure. You now have a glimpse of who you are.
The next step is to take what you now know of your self and decide what you want to do in this life. Pick anything, something, even if it is only a short term goal and determine that you will do it. Maybe determine you will go see the movie you want to see, even if your friends disapprove. Maybe it will be to seek a different job even if your family disagrees. Decide and do it and you have begun the crucial start of being your self and discovering who you are.
You can be what ever you will to be.
Be Blessed
The fear of rejection may have haunted each one of us at one time or another, It may be caused by our fear of being and living alone, too much dependence on other people's perception of us, lack of confidence and inability to control our own life.
A person who is so concerned about what others may think of them could make their life miserable because one can no longer speak their own mind nor do things that they would normally do on their own. The fear of rejection can paralyze a person and discourage them from being productive.
A person's uniqueness disappears the moment one puts primary emphasis on what others want them to be. A person too caught up with pleasing others will start to emulate other people from the way they dress and the way they behave in society. This usually happens to young people who crave attention and acceptance but do not yet have enough foundation for self acceptance. This is detrimental to a person's growth because there is no more room for self expression, only of self denial and the thought of pleasing others.
A person who fears being rejected can be characterized as a person who acts without confidence: A person who is not sure of their self will tend to imitate others and keep from trying new things. Such lack of confidence will ultimately make such person unhappy and bitter.
A person who is not vocal about their perception of things may be having trouble with rejection. One may keep from voicing out their opinion for fear of being criticized. A person who does not have the freedom to speak for their self and to express their wants will soon become depressed and will no longer have love for life. This person will tend to act like a remote control robot that can not make its own decisions.
The reason for this is that one is confused about their own true identity. A person who has fears of being rejected will end up confused about which they really are. This leads to an identity crisis and will makes a person angry at their self and at other people for no reason at all. This will cause lack of self esteem and self worth; a person who gives more importance to what others may think of them does not have much faith in their self to start with. This lack of self esteem may have resulted from feelings of rejection instilled in them by his family or friends.
A person who fears rejection will ultimately be rejected by the people they want to please and who love them dearly. A person who has the tendency to please other people will soon get sucked into a difficult cycle of rejection. Their behavior will keep the people they care about alienated from them, one sees this as a rejection and then the cycle goes on and on.
So how does one suddenly develop their own self identity? It is so simple it is hard. First retreat for a while and be by your self with only your self as company, no friends, family, pets, or other distractions. Seek as much silence as possible and prepare yourself for some work. This may take a few hours or even a whole day. Go to the park, a deserted beach, the library, a reading room at the book store, etc. Find a place where you can be with your self for a while.
Have a small note book with you and a pen, write down all the things you like, your favorite color, favorite food, etc. Now write down what you like to do, jog, hike, play chess, etc. Now write down what you like about your life, your hobby, your home, your neighbor hood, etc. Note; if you do not like something do not write it down.
Now look at what you have written and rewrite them all into one sentence. Write it as many times as you need to make a coherent sentence or paragraph. When you are satisfied with the work reread it and think about it. This is the beginning of you: The tip of the ice berg, the start of self discovery, the front door of your structure. You now have a glimpse of who you are.
The next step is to take what you now know of your self and decide what you want to do in this life. Pick anything, something, even if it is only a short term goal and determine that you will do it. Maybe determine you will go see the movie you want to see, even if your friends disapprove. Maybe it will be to seek a different job even if your family disagrees. Decide and do it and you have begun the crucial start of being your self and discovering who you are.
You can be what ever you will to be.
Be Blessed
Labels: self improvement
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