True-Happiness

This was sent to me by my Dad, enjoy!

LIFE AFTER DEATH :
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?"
THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
"YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST
FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "BECAUSE AFTER YOU
LEFT WORK EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR
GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL ....SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!

PALM SUNDAY:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE
THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME
FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY
RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL
PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE
FOR?
"PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE
WALKED BY." SAID HIS FATHER.
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT!!" THE BOY FUMED, "THE
ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!"

CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER
WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S SERMON, HE
REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT
AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE
CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?"
"I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!! "

SUPPORT A FAMILY:
THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED,
"YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?"
THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED,
"WELL, NO. ....I WAS JUST PLANNING TO
SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU
WILL JUST HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES."

FIRST TIME USHERS! :
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME
WATCHED INTENTAVELY AS THE USHERS PASSED
AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID
LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE!"

PRAYERS:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY,
TELL ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?"
"NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A
REAL GOOD COOK!"

CLIMB THE WALLS:
"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY
SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE.
"NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN
PROMISING US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS
THAT?" SHE ASKED.
"I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB
THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY
ANSWERED.

THE MOOD RING:
MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY.
WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. AND WHEN
I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A NASTY RED MARK ON
HIS FOREHEAD.
.
THE WATER PISTOL:
...WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY
GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER
PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR
THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M
SURPRISED AT YOU, MOM. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE
USED TO DRIVE YOU UTTERLY CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"
MOM SMILED KNOWINGLY AND THEN REPLIED.....
"OH YES, I REMEMBER!!"


A new teacher was trying to make use of
her child psychology courses. She started
her class by saying,
"Everyone who thinks they're stupid,
stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're
stupid, Little Davie?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself!"

Little Davie watched, fascinated,
as his mother smoothed cold
cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?"
he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said
his mother, who then began
removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter...?" asked Little
Davie. "Giving up?"


GRANDMA'S AGE:

LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA! HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND
HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"