True-Happiness

I got this from an e-mail my Famous Uncle Marlin sent me:

Everybody needs a good chuckle and these will definitely make you chuckle.

1) NUDITY: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS: On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3) KETCHUP: A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY: A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in
the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you
ever seen a little boy before?"

5) POLICE #1: While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up
and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and
continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then, "she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you
please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE #2: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake,
was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy
looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,"
What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8) DRESS-UP: A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it
always gives you a headache the next morning. "

9) DEATH: While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he gooooes."

10) SCHOOL: A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother . "I can't read, I
can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11) BIBLE: A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as
he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I
found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear!"