Thursday, March 15, 2007
Honesty Really is the Best Policy
I am sure you have heard this saying many times, so take the hint already; Always be honest. Never be afraid to be honest, however not to the point of cruelty, but always honest. The advantage of always being honest is you don’t have to worry about being caught in a lie and exposed as a fraud. By always being honest people will come to respect you as they know your word is your bond.
Now there is a difference between honesty and brutal honesty. Let us use the famous question; Does this make me look fat? Your answer should be honest, if the person is fat, then tell them yes. If the item makes them look fat then simply say “yes.” Here is where subtle honesty comes into play. Just say yes, and do not elaborate. For example to say that yes and add a comment such as nothing will make you look skinny is cruel honesty and should be avoided. Silence is better than cruelty.
But what about the old white lie? Again honesty is always the right thing to do, and silence is better than cruelty. If someone asks you a question do not avoid the honest answer, but do not go beyond the minimum required to answer. Continuing with the previous question, stop after saying yes, do not add any mitigating comments such as the dress is the wrong size or maybe it will look better tomorrow. Keep it simple and do not give it too much attention. Another example would be if a person who is mentally challenged asks you if they are stupid. Reply with something along the lines of “you think differently than other people do.” To say no would be a lie, and to say yes would be cruel. If you stick with the truth and do not use it as a bludgeon you will become very well liked by everyone, and even respected by your detractors as they know you are honest
Try to always be kind to those who do things for you. For example if a person has cooked a meal for you and there is something you do not like, remember that silence is better than cruelty. When offered the food you do not like (for me it’s peas) just say “no thank you” rather than “I don’t like peas, so I am not eating those.” If they push the issue and want to know why you aren’t eating their world famous peas, just say “I’m sorry, but I do not like peas, but you couldn’t have known that, I am sorry if that offends you, I am sure they are really good.” Avoid the remarks about what you think they are good for, just keep it simple and avoid cruelty.
If your relative makes you a sweater that you think is disgusting, just say thank you. Do not point out that it is ugly, the wrong style, and you will just let it accidently fall into the trash. That person thought enough of you to make something they thought was nice, remember that it’s the thought that counts. Maybe suggest that the next one be made with your favorite color or design. “Aunt Mary, thanks for this sweater, on the next one could you make it green with an eagle on the back.” This will thrill that person and make them eager to make the next one for you. Who knows maybe the next one you will actually wear in public.
When dealing with the online community always represent yourself honestly. If you aren’t 6’1” with a six-pack to be proud of, don’t claim to be. If you are a bar tender, don’t claim to be a lawyer with a six figure income. If you are 40 going on 50, don’t pretend to be 30 something. Remember, the idea here is to find people who will like you exactly like you are. If you have lied in your profile, the first face-to-face meeting will remove all doubt that you are a liar. If you do not want to admit to the facts then silence is better than cruelty.
Lastly, the hardest of all; be honest with yourself. If you kid yourself or lie to yourself then you will not be worth the skin you wear. With yourself it is ok to be brutal. If you have something about yourself that you tell white lies about, stop it. Lets say you have a physical deformity, temporary or permanent. Do not lie to yourself and say this mole is just a beauty mark. If it is ugly admit it, seek medical advice about its removal, or use make up to mitigate its appearance. This goes for personality traits too, are you quick to anger? How about prejudiced against other people for some reason, (nationality, skin color, etc) admit it and get over it. Accept yourself for who you are. You are all you have and you can’t be someone else as they are already taken.
Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others. Honesty is the best policy so stick with it, and your life will be easier.
Now there is a difference between honesty and brutal honesty. Let us use the famous question; Does this make me look fat? Your answer should be honest, if the person is fat, then tell them yes. If the item makes them look fat then simply say “yes.” Here is where subtle honesty comes into play. Just say yes, and do not elaborate. For example to say that yes and add a comment such as nothing will make you look skinny is cruel honesty and should be avoided. Silence is better than cruelty.
But what about the old white lie? Again honesty is always the right thing to do, and silence is better than cruelty. If someone asks you a question do not avoid the honest answer, but do not go beyond the minimum required to answer. Continuing with the previous question, stop after saying yes, do not add any mitigating comments such as the dress is the wrong size or maybe it will look better tomorrow. Keep it simple and do not give it too much attention. Another example would be if a person who is mentally challenged asks you if they are stupid. Reply with something along the lines of “you think differently than other people do.” To say no would be a lie, and to say yes would be cruel. If you stick with the truth and do not use it as a bludgeon you will become very well liked by everyone, and even respected by your detractors as they know you are honest
Try to always be kind to those who do things for you. For example if a person has cooked a meal for you and there is something you do not like, remember that silence is better than cruelty. When offered the food you do not like (for me it’s peas) just say “no thank you” rather than “I don’t like peas, so I am not eating those.” If they push the issue and want to know why you aren’t eating their world famous peas, just say “I’m sorry, but I do not like peas, but you couldn’t have known that, I am sorry if that offends you, I am sure they are really good.” Avoid the remarks about what you think they are good for, just keep it simple and avoid cruelty.
If your relative makes you a sweater that you think is disgusting, just say thank you. Do not point out that it is ugly, the wrong style, and you will just let it accidently fall into the trash. That person thought enough of you to make something they thought was nice, remember that it’s the thought that counts. Maybe suggest that the next one be made with your favorite color or design. “Aunt Mary, thanks for this sweater, on the next one could you make it green with an eagle on the back.” This will thrill that person and make them eager to make the next one for you. Who knows maybe the next one you will actually wear in public.
When dealing with the online community always represent yourself honestly. If you aren’t 6’1” with a six-pack to be proud of, don’t claim to be. If you are a bar tender, don’t claim to be a lawyer with a six figure income. If you are 40 going on 50, don’t pretend to be 30 something. Remember, the idea here is to find people who will like you exactly like you are. If you have lied in your profile, the first face-to-face meeting will remove all doubt that you are a liar. If you do not want to admit to the facts then silence is better than cruelty.
Lastly, the hardest of all; be honest with yourself. If you kid yourself or lie to yourself then you will not be worth the skin you wear. With yourself it is ok to be brutal. If you have something about yourself that you tell white lies about, stop it. Lets say you have a physical deformity, temporary or permanent. Do not lie to yourself and say this mole is just a beauty mark. If it is ugly admit it, seek medical advice about its removal, or use make up to mitigate its appearance. This goes for personality traits too, are you quick to anger? How about prejudiced against other people for some reason, (nationality, skin color, etc) admit it and get over it. Accept yourself for who you are. You are all you have and you can’t be someone else as they are already taken.
Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others. Honesty is the best policy so stick with it, and your life will be easier.
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